Confessions from an Inner Tyrant

So many years being oversexualised, and thinking I was sexually liberated and empowered. #sexualempowerment

#feminineempowerment I though, when what was actually going on well veiled behind the scene, was an intelligent dictator, higher chef of incorporated Patriarchy, pimping and prostituting the inner feminine shade of my soul in the name of her sexual and emotional healing, empowerment and liberation but for the seek of his thirst for power, money and repressed sexual desires.

This part of humanity that I call the inner tyrant is smart, very well hidden and dominates through various ways, such as overcontrol, overpowering, oversexualisation, basically imposing power to cover up the terror that has been previously felt in childhood, and more precisely within the process of soul emergence.

Oversexualisation has many shades.

Sexual promiscuity or overly sexual behaviours and external manifestations is the most obvious shade. And the sectors that are the most at risk to hide an inner tyrant that wants to take its power back (often lost as a child) and run its sexual desires and fantasies are open relating, polyamory, sexpositive, kink scenes and se.x industry. #sexualfreedom

A murky field where oversexualisation overflows is the neo tantric scene or the traditional tantric one that doesn’t constantly is in touch with its shadow.

Oversexualisation is now expressed in a more sneaky way. We don’t say “sex worker” anymore but “sacred whore” or “sexual priestess/priest”, not anymore “sexual perpetrator” (man or woman) but  “sexual healer”,  “sex coach/guide”, “sex (the)rapist”.

The inner tyrant now can hide in tantric bodywork, sacred se.x work, sacred kink work (basically all of the above with the word “sacred” beforehand), tantra teaching, sexual empowerment therapies and trainings.

The need for healing is real; the attraction for this field often comes from sexual wounding, though the wound expression shifts from victim to healer in order to survive and perpetuate the wounding.

#sexualhealing

Basically when our life is all about sex or sexuality (speaking to the nuances) there is a potential red flag for an inner pimp.

Finally there is another version of oversexualisation that can be topped to all of the above or even that doesn’t need to show any apparent signs of sexualisation. I am speaking of business marketing and strategies to make sales.

Objectifying the feminine shine of the soul and making it a product that needs to be sold therefore constantly available and shiny.

Now the inner tyrant is pimping his girl in forcing her creativity to produce 3 Instagram post a week, constant photo-shoots depicting the perfect life/product, constant new offerings or new productions/products, constant push for creation without the inward needed rest for dissolution, ressourcement and realignment.

As a result, the inherent radiance of the feminine that’s trapped in it dies therefore there is even more of a need to accentuate the lie that is the marketing around her.

The way my inner tyrant has been oversexualising and pimping my girl has shape-shifted in all those shades; I didn’t miss a tint!

This part is so smart that not only it morphs quickly when awareness shines close to it, but it also calcify through building a strong identity and convictions around it. Now for this process to be stronger it needs group validation therefore preaching disguises under servicing.

Now all those years of sexual liberation, healing and empowerment, are not waisted and are part of the process of soul emergence. There is a need for power for this process to succeed.  Even though through reclaiming one’s power wounds might have been reinforced and the crust that has to be pierced through might have fortified, there will be moments where the tension becomes so strong that the density of those wounded identities has to collapse, leaving space for love to flow through or for calcification to be reformed.

Yes, it is necessary to reclaim our sovereign power and it takes courage to undertake this process, although the game doesn’t stop here, it just has started! It takes even more courage to let MY power dissolve into fuel for the soul in collapsing the identity around it.

Though, one of my heart’s deepest wish and longing is for this process to become shorter and easier, for every maiden’s heart within every beings, portal to the soul, to be in a constant exposure with no need for protection.

It breaks my heart when I recognise the inner tyrant in me all over my social media’s feeds, all over the conscious communities I am or have been part of, in many leaders and in my dear friends.

I keep falling back and forth in this process of emergence, the awareness is sharpening, my terror is more and more exposed and I have a solid group of people that I can trust when I can’t trust myself anymore.

This part in me and in humanity, I mistrust, I need to give up the trust in myself whenever I feel overly convinced, preaching, arrogant or fired up, and expose myself to the group gaze of others that are more trustworthy in this moment.

Here are some ways out of this collective soul murdering and perpetration that I keep leaning into:

1-    Constant honest enquiry around our relationship to sex, money and power and willingness to let it all go, or at least to be aware of the parts that won’t.

2-    Cultivating time for dissolution, reassessments, and realignment.

3-    Exposing the vulnerability of the heart and the terror underneath; that the tyrant is ruthlessly protecting.

4-    Sharpening awareness to identify signs of presence of this part.

5-    Through the capacity to see it in others, reclaiming this part as mines.

6-    Willingness to give self-trust away to the group gaze to a group of people in which every individuals is willing to do the same for themselves. #darkcommunity