Shifting the Rooted Belief That to Live We Need to Fight Death
Why I Am Consciously Choosing Not to Fight
In the cellular level of my body there is a vibration, a message that is stored and that influences the way my body reacts to its environment. Subconsciously determining all my choices to be in resonance with this rooted belief.
This message could be read as “fight or die”.
It revealed that all my life I have been adopting a survival / stress response to life, creating endless contractions in my body that have caused physical, emotional and mental harm.
I was about to die at my birth strangled by the umbilical cord. I fought against lymphatic system cancer for 2 years when I was 18. Dealt with an autoimmune disease, lupus, since 25 and have been unable to get pregnant for years even though my tests don’t show any signs of infertility.
I fought the annihilation of the difficult divorce of my parents when I was 3 and the hatred fight they went on for decades after it; I fought the devastation of repeated sexual abuse, of the uncountable betrayals from family, friends and partners and the repeated heart breaks
I’ve fought against drug addictions, repetitive suicidal thoughts, depression, anxieties, obsessions.
Like most of you, I am a survivor!
And I am addicted to the fight, because if I don't fight something, someone, my body believes that we are going to die. So it puts a lot of effort into collaborating with my heart and my mind to find something to fight against so that WE ARE SAFE!
How twisted is that!
This survival / stress response to life is the core of the collective scarcity mind that pushes us to compete with each other, to always chase for more of everything, that disconnects us from our peers and our environment.
It is the self-destructive pathology of humanity.
Fighting death results in destroying life, aliveness shrinks into survival, everything dries and rots within and the experience of life becomes hell.
Lately, my ex partner announced that he didn’t want me on his visa anymore. All my fire got lit up in order to fight and find a survival solution to stay in the country I so much desire to live in. To stay with the tribe of beloveds I've cultivated over the past 3 years in Australia.
When I realised that all eventual solutions created contractions in my body, and that for those past 3 years I have been constantly fighting to be able to stay in the country, I stated to myself that I did not want to harm myself any longer.
I consciously decided not to fight, to breathe into the contractions and allow space.
Nothing is worth the cost of my relaxed, surrendered body.
When the body fully relaxes, abundance can flow, light can pass through, soul can shine.
So I've decided with sadness to leave, because really, I have no other choice than to LOVE myself. To TRUST that life has got me even if my mind's desires believe the constant venom: “we need to do everything to get what we want”.
I went to church the other day, crying and crying, asking for guidance and I heard this voice in my heart whispering with love and compassion: Laura, trust you are not losing anything, the container is shape shifting to hold more of you. Deciding not to fight is a huge rewiring process for me and the identity of a fiery personality that doesn't let anything or anyone block my driveway.
Since then I've experienced massive anxieties, because obviously my system is identifying my non-fight response to “we are going to die!!”
Descending into the terror opened a door to God, faith, trust, and surrender.
I feel the space that is opening in my body, the life that is flowing and purging the rest of the attachments, of the contractions.
I feel the calming down of my nervous system, surprisingly integrating the, “we are not dead we are not losing anything even though we are not fighting.”
It is so simple in the end, bring back your body to full relaxation, whenever your body contracts. Stop until you find ease again, don't choose anything that creates contractions in your body!
The life force in you can only surge in a relaxed body/temple!