One more Dissolution

There is grief in the background while my soul start filling the empty space of the breakdown of my personal deepest desires.

I always wanted to be loved and desired, I always wanted to be in an harmonious intimate partnership, Since few years I wanted to have a family and raise kids…

All of this is turning into ashes onto the altar of life.

It feels as if my life wasn’t mine anymore, my personal desires can’t survive any longer.

They use to tempt to grasp reality through distorted projections constantly creating more and more inner feeling of separation and misery, as I wasn’t yet having what I desired or bored by what I had.

The reality is that I don’t have any impact on this life from a personal perspective.

I can’t fight what IS just because I want it to be different.

While I sit and witness with grief and simultaneous deep inner calmness the collapse of my personal desires, I can feel them dissolve into the empty spaces that become the only reality.

Being the best sexual and sensual playmate,
Having a life partner,
Becoming a mother and a wife…

Flushed out into the black hole…

What am I without these goals, without this need to be?

Feeling of emptiness…

There is nothing I want to do about that death, there is no part of me that want to fight for attention, for love, for gratification… so I let that need fall apart, freeing an important amount of inner space.

From that sudden space, I can feel the vibrating spark of recalibration. My personal deepest desires are dying, leaving space for the soul purpose to really shine through.

What wants to speak and be manifested through me when I am not on the way anymore?

A lot will emerge in the next future and I am going to stay sitting here witnessing that unfolding.