Non Dual Dream
I had an incredible dream last night, I woke up shaken by the level of self awareness, even though astrally I experienced a situation usually perceived as horrible. A car picked me up with 3 men inside, as I was waiting for a car to pick me up and drive me to the workshop I was attending, I thought I was in the right car.
The car parked in an isolated street, as I began to recognise I was in the wrong car the fear started to freeze my body, realising that I was in trouble.
They start touching me sexually and violently with the clear intention of raping me. I was petrified and felt helpless, screaming and begging them to let me go.
Suddenly from being in complete fear, something shifted in my consciousness that created some confusion. I realised that I was simultaneously scared and desiring it to end as quickly as possible AND completely aroused, willing to be ravished by the dark forces and in hidden pleasure.
At the moment, this consciousness landed in my body, the fear disappeared and as another car parked in the same street, the 3 guys stopped and let me go before driving away.
Walking in the street, my body was shaking and quivering, between body release and actual orgasmic pleasure.
Once I arrived in the workshop space where my partner was waiting for me, I was still shaking. He asked me why I was late, and when I opened my mouth, before speaking I caught the story that wanted to play through me: the victim story. I wanted to tell him how horrible what just happened was, that I was a poor little thing that needed to be rescued, that I am traumatised and in shock and that I need even more than ever his love to heal from my trauma.
I did not let the victim-self run the show, I knew that none of that was true. First of all, recognising the fact that pleasure could also be present in any situation labelled bad would not entitle me of any victim hood AND the trauma that was rippling in my body from the moment when I was resisting the guys and in fear dissipated afterwards once my body was naturally shaking.
So I just kissed him and told him that I would explain to him later, after the workshop.
When I woke up, my body was still quivering; I told my mum first that I had a nightmare, as my automatic association with attempt of rape is NIGHTMARE. But the more I was narrating it to her, the more I was realising that this was a HIGH LEVEL dream, full of healing qualities.
There is a hidden pleasure in every act of destruction and annihilation, passive or active. Because of the imprinted duality of our limited consciousness we divide the world and its manifestation in 2 categories good & bad / black & white / heaven & hell / pain & pleasure.
What's in one category creates fear, contraction and trauma.
What's in the other one creates love, relaxation and healing.
The reality is that one category contains the other one and vice versa. This is the meaning of the yin & yang symbol. Diving in the white spot of the black side or in the black spot of the white side is what brings the consciousness of the wholeness and is actually the gateway toward freedom.
No duality can resist when the consciousness of the wholeness descends in the body.